Tag Archives: #conflict management

Truthfulness and Trust

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I have reminded you, not long ago, that no family, no community, no society can long endure in the absence of trust.  No principles, beliefs or opinions can be effective if we are unable to trust. It is possible to pull ourselves back from this downward spiral, but it will not be with a quick fix.  We must each focus first on our personal responsibility—on the necessary attitudes, behaviors, and virtues that form the basis for a stable society.

This, the American Founders warned, is what freedom would require of us. Do we understand?

Let me be clear.  The future of the United States will, in my view, depend on general recognition that truthfulness is essential at all times.  Yes, truthfulness—the truthfulness upon which all trust depends.

You laugh?

Well, my friends, you can laugh all the way to chaos and mayhem.  Because we have no choice.

Seeking liberty in a new order, the Founders introduced the Constitution with an extraordinary lack of constraints and restrictions.  They knew the future of the nation would depend on the behavior of its citizens, and they said so. 

Why is truthfulness necessary?  Why does civilized order depend on it?

Another virtue, sometimes called a “cardinal virtue”, is prudence.  And, if truth be known, all the virtues are prudent—for the simple reason that a civilized society depends on them.

The virtues, among which are patience, forbearance, compassion, and ethical consistency, are the means for securing a safe, stable and productive society.  These are not simply “nice ideas”; they are among the core tenets of human civilization.

Truthfulness is the foundation of all human virtues, and prudence is their purpose.

Where do we start?  Our society is heavily burdened by the discord and disunity that come with distrust.  Conflict and contention are the source of degradation and loss.

Actually, we do not need to agree on much to be trustworthy.  However, we do need demonstrate our trustworthiness.  And this can only be done in active, engaged relationships.

It will only be possible to build trust with civility, and with a genuine interest in understanding the reality of other people.  Those who differ from us come to their views and perspective by way of their experience, their hopes, fears, and disappointments. So it is that unity of action in a community is only possible where there is genuine dialog leading to authentic relationships. 

First, we need to agree with our neighbors only on resolving the immediate problems at hand. Accepting responsibility for interpersonal dialog contributes to safer neighborhoods, to meeting practical needs.  Kindness attracts loyalty.  Reciprocity engenders productivity.

Being realistic about this means preparing ourselves for situations that are sometimes frustrating.  This is our reality today.  A great deal of damage has been done. So, steadfast patience becomes essential, a way of being.  We must determine not to be compromised by difficult circumstances or diverted from our purpose.

Interpersonal relationships are the sinews of community, and communities form the foundations of a society.  Genuine dialog and ongoing working relationships build trust.  This is where the groundwork for stability is built.

Sometimes it takes courage to engage with people we don’t know or understand.  But without this we remain stuck in helplessness and in the dark. Without truthfulness and good will, constructive action is impossible and security is a mirage.

Finally, let us please beware that we not walk in the ways of those whose words differ from their deeds.  We see this all around us, and it is the kiss of death.

Be true to your words, and ensure that your actions are consistent, trustworthy and faithful.

Tom

Note to regular readers: You may look for the next post on or about May 1.

An Introduction to the forthcoming book and several sample chapters are linked at the top of the homepage: http://www.freedomstruth.net.

Who We Are!

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The American Founders made a determined effort to ‘see the end in the beginning’.  The Constitutional Convention of 1787 gave birth to a vision that generated inner fortitude and outer prosperity for more than two hundred years.  The Constitution has provided protections for both minorities and majorities which have remained firmly in place despite every upheaval.  It ensures the order necessary to make constructive change possible, and guides us through the patient discipline required to do so. 

Americans stand today at another decisive turning point in history which calls for the same kind of visionary maturity.

We are blessed with the oldest democratic republic on the planet, a brilliantly conceived structure that has channeled the creative initiative of immigrant peoples into a dynamic force for capacity-building and well-being. Basic order and consistency have survived throughout a contentious past, as the United States has advanced slowly, painfully, toward an ever-more just and inclusive society.

There have been inconsistencies, certainly.  There will always be work to do.

Most of the Founders appeared unable to imagine a multiracial society.  Slavery remained prevalent in the United States long after it was ended everywhere else in the European world.  This injustice was unique in a modern nation.

Yet the Constitution put a set of institutions in place that were capable of resisting injustice to an unparalleled degree.  We have been growing into this inheritance as we have matured.  Ours is the responsibility to give trustworthiness and fairness the strength and resiliency they require.  Prosperity will be unattainable without this.

The record has not always been pretty, but how could we expect anything approaching perfection when we throw the human race, gathered together from diverse roots, into the managed chaos which is the nature of freedom?

The human race has matured as America has matured.  The Constitution provides the structure; we must do the work.

Early in the twenty-first century the American people have splintered into isolated fragments, as fear and inflexible thinking dominate public discourse. Those citizens who defend the time-honored American traditions of pluralism and inclusion have found themselves isolated amidst the clamor and confusion of bitterness.

What is it, after all, do we suppose made America great?  May I make a suggestion?

The Constitution has provided a supple backbone for a vibrant, combative, and creative people.  It trusts citizens to live and act with moral responsibility.  Our behavior matters.  The Founders knew the success of the new nation depended on this, and they said so.

The lack of ethical leadership in America is one of the many signs of the breakdown of moral values in our society. Without such leadership it becomes necessary for each citizen to examine his or her assumptions and test them against the reality that confronts us.

We must try to become aware of our unconscious assumptions—what we assume to be true.  When unexamined assumptions are taken for granted, they can become “conventional wisdom”.  We imagine them to be “the truth”.

And so it is that self-styled “leaders” parrot back to us what they think we want to hear.

Americans need to take responsibility for the order given us by the Constitution.  It is not rational to expect someone else to make things right.  We are a sovereign people.

Responsibility is always personal. Until we accept this truth the world will disintegrate around us.

The Constitution provides a framework with which to apply ourselves.  It invites us to find our way into the future with loyalty, collaboration, reciprocity.

We are Americans.  We can do it.

Tom

A note to regular readers:  You may watch for the next post on or about April 2.

An annotated Table of Contents from the forthcoming book, as well as the Introduction and several sample chapters can be found at the top of the homepage.  I welcome your ideas and feedback.

Image courtesy of the Washington Plaza Hotel.

Safety and Self-reliance

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There are reasons why safety and self-reliance each depend on the other.  Both need trustworthy neighbors.  Both depend on rational thinking and foresight.  When we are confronted by growing disorder we would do well to think carefully about safety and self-reliance. Most of us can see that civil order is deteriorating.  And surely we know that when the going gets tough, our neighbors will matter to us.

What will happen when we can no longer depend on emergency services or well-stocked stores?  It might become impossible to get assistance from outside our neighborhood.

The community we live in, whatever it may look like, is where essential needs must be met, where social problems become personal problems, and where safety is a paramount concern. 

Do we know which skills are possessed by our neighbors?  Are we developing community gardens and learning how to preserve food? We will be confronted by necessity as the world unravels around us.  Those who ignore this, do so at their peril.

Local communities are where we have the most control—and the most to lose.  They must be made self-reliant by those who intend to be self-reliant. This is a commitment and source of strength.  But we need dependable neighbors with practical skills, knowledge and experience. 

Each of us is called to step forward, to build working relationships, to patiently encourage one another in constructive action. Making things happen will mean listening to our neighbors, learning what they know, and being ready to cooperate.  We are not used to living this way, but we can do it!

Necessity can only be met with courage, patience, and personal initiative.  With a positive attitude and a readiness to persevere, safety will come with unity of purpose. 

Community self-reliance comes alive in working relationships that cultivate trust and meet common needs.  Just as we learn by doing, so also do we earn trust—reaching out across differences in tradition, politics, and experience. 

Effective decision-making takes advantage of the knowledge and thinking of a diversity of perspectives and inputs.  If we listen to one another with genuine curiosity, drawing out constructive ideas, decisions will often produce more than expected.

As I have often said, there is no need to alter our values or views.  Agreement will only be necessary concerning the immediate needs at hand.  In the process we will come to know and better understand one another.  Dependable alliances and respectful collaboration will only emerge when we allow it.

The goodness in human beings is often veiled by injuries, sorrow and pain.  Lack of self-confidence often comes across as arrogance or aggressiveness.  We need to reach through the damage people have suffered, to free their hidden strengths and potential for loyalty.

It can require patience and compassion to uncover the beauty in someone who is being difficult or ugly.  We know it is there, because this is how human beings are made. Responsibility falls to each of us.  Freedom depends on it—for ourselves and for others. 

Those who persist in negativity should be left to themselves.  Still, whatever their attitude, we can assure them we stand ready to assist in time of need. It will be deeds and not words, giving and not taking, forgiveness and not blame, which will carry us through the darkness and out the other side.

Those of you who understand trust and responsibility—and who recognize the very high stakes involved—will build the foundations for the future. 

What is essential is that Americans stand together, making firm our commitment to easing and overcoming the anxiety and suspicion that swirl around us. We will refocus our vision and values with such strength of purpose that partisan politics will be powerless to subvert.

Tom

You may watch for the next post on or about September 1.

From the forthcoming book:  An annotated Table of Contents, a revised Introduction, and several sample chapters are linked at the top of the homepage.

Courage and Authenticity

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We are Americans!  When we encounter other Americans who appear quite different from ourselves, either in their character or their views, do we shun them?  Or, are we curious?  Do we test our assumptions honestly?  How will we discover the potential for dependable neighbors if we walk away with our first impressions?

This is an important question: Do we investigate the positive contributions people might have to offer—despite our differences with them?  How many good people are we willing to toss into the trash barrel of willful blindness?  What are we afraid of?

If we have no need of trustworthy neighbors today, the time is fast approaching when we surely will.

Practical needs are not the only thing that require good neighbors.  There will be no trust and no possibility of a secure future without real dialog.

Yes, starting conversations with strangers can cause a little discomfort.  But only at the start.  When we discover who our neighbors really are, and how their experience makes them who they are, we sometimes discover unexpected dependability.

Strangers rarely turn out to be what we imagined. 

Some people will reject our good will.  This is inevitable.  When people are governed by their fear and unable to respond with civility, leave them to themselves.  We must keep moving on. 

However, it is essential that we identify every potential friend and neighbor, every diamond in the rough, as society deteriorates around us.

When it comes to local necessities, nothing can be done without unity on some level.  Safety is found in trustworthiness, not partisan politics. It will only be with dialog and cooperation that Americans can navigate effectively through the narrow place in which we now find ourselves.

This wisdom is rooted in American history and heritage.  Let’s think about what we already know.  Recognizing and rethinking cherished assumptions is always difficult.  There is nothing new about this.  It is normal to feel uncomfortable with people who appear different from ourselves.

Emerson famously said: “People only see what they are prepared to see.” Stephen Covey put it similarly: “We see the world, not as it is, but as we are—or, as we are conditioned to see it.” 

While this conditioning is natural, it interferes with constructive problem-solving.  And, in today’s world our ability to solve problems is the essential problem. We may need to help others push past this, but let’s not be responsible for it ourselves. Building the future will best be pursued with uncluttered emotions, clear vision and a pure heart. 

Albert Einstein once said, ironically: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” The reasonable person shudders at the immensity of the task.  But we do have the means to respond constructively. Americans are resourceful!

The path to a future we can respect and believe in actually exists.   It must be secured.  And, we do not need to change our values or views to contribute our skills and positive energy.

Trustworthiness develops with interactive engagement.  Working relationships that accept the mystery of differences and diversity need not be threatening.

In my view, the key to this riddle is best described by the Christian philosopher Henri J.M. Nouwen: “You don’t think your way into a new kind of living,” he wrote. “You live your way into a new kind of thinking.”

The kind of creative action Pastor Nouwen is talking about would be impossible in isolation.  Living our way into a new way of thinking can only take place in dialog and authentic community.

I have used the word “authentic” often.  What does it mean?  Certainly, something that is authentic is the “genuine article”.  Or I could say I am my “authentic self” when I am being consistently genuine in my words and actions.

So, let me be clear:  Authentic community is far more than one structured in a particular way.  Rather, it is one in which we share “a new kind of thinking”.  It can only be built on the foundation of trustworthy relationships.  And trust can only develop with experience—with genuine interest, practical engagement, and productive consultation. 

Tom

You may watch for the next post on or about August 1.

From the forthcoming book:  An annotated Table of Contents, a revised Introduction, and several sample chapters are posted at the top of the homepage.

Past and Future

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Americans have an extraordinary history and heritage as a nation—a vision and exemplary model for governance which are unprecedented in the world.  As citizens, it is an honor to be responsible for this.  We are called to ensure a future that is free, just, and constructive. 

We are also challenged by the shadow of a violent and contentious past, and now the looming threat of a multitude of crises.  We can easily lose ourselves in self-doubt and endless recrimination—forever relitigating the details of a very human past.  But learning from the past is made real by living our best intentions into the future.

Americans cannot afford to compromise a commitment to an honorable future.  While it is quite true that responsibility depends upon truthfulness, the future also depends on the maturity, understanding, and generosity of spirit that will enable the United States to secure civil order and a free society.

We are Americans; we can do this together.

As individuals, there is but one way forward—personally and without constraint–and this is within our own local communities.  It is for this reason that I have challenged us all to rise above our differences, to engage with one another in the authentic dialogue necessary for problem-solving.

The necessities of shared needs cannot be compromised.  Safety and survival will soon require that we think about what we can accomplish by working together.

Doing this effectively will allow communities to address the future constructively.

We find ourselves confronted today by extraordinary circumstances, a multitude of dangerous and deepening crises.  And yet, this narrow place in American history presents an unprecedented opportunity.

We must rise to the next level, having no choice but to turn to the future with clear-eyed intentionality.

Herein lies the importance of knowing and understanding our neighbors; listening to one another with genuine interest despite our differences.  The failure to engage constructively will threaten the future as threats grow.

The number and diversity of crises confronting us is unparalleled.  Most of us know that something has changed.  The experience of normalcy has evaporated.  Our lives are disrupted and the end is nowhere in sight.

The world is experiencing dramatic structural change.  The rapid development of digital technology without accountability, exponential population growth, the loss of farmland and access to clean water, unprecedented weather—all this imposes on our lives even if it is happening elsewhere.

This is inevitable and no one’s fault.  That it has generated confusion and divisiveness is hardly surprising.  It is natural to look for someone to blame, but this is not useful.

Will we pull ourselves together as Americans did during World War 2, to make America whole?

In the midst of rapidly changing conditions, in a world confronted by hardship and awash with fear, we are forced to discipline ourselves as responsible, trustworthy people. 

The foundation for well-being is trust.  This is the secret of integrity in inter-personal relationships, in communities and in nations.

Dependable neighbors may soon become our only source of security.  We need to know how to make this work, and it begins with ourselves.  We might need to be trustworthy even when no one else notices or reciprocates.

It is true that trust lives in relationships.  It cannot exist in isolation.  And, yes, good-will is helpless if the relations between us remain unchanged.  However, trustworthiness is personal and in fact begins with ourselves!

To establish true community, we must turn away from the impersonal collectivism of mass society—to represent our real selves in authentic relationships.

We prove ourselves ready for community by living genuinely with others as dependable, trustworthy co-workers and neighbors.

Each of us is responsible independently.  No one can do this for us.

Tom.

You may watch for the next post on or about June 4.

A note for new readers: A project description and several sample chapters from the forthcoming book are posted in draft at the top of the homepage.

What Is True Leadership?

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How can responsible people respond to the multiplicity of crises confronting us?  How can we best protect our families and strengthen our communities?  We have been discussing the growing need to create safety in the face of deteriorating conditions.  You don’t need me to draw you a picture.

What does it mean to take initiative?  I invite you to think about this constructively.  We will need to rethink our assumptions about the nature of leadership.

We see examples of assertive, self-styled leadership on the news every night—people who want us to think they have everything all figured out.  I think most of you know this is not what we need. In a rapidly deteriorating social order, safety and security are actually local concerns.  To think and act responsibly will mean engaging effectively with our neighbors, regardless of our differences.

I do not think we will get very far if we depend on those we see parading themselves self-assuredly on the evening news.

In the oncoming confluence of crises, effective problem-solving will depend on our neighbors. And it will only begin when we engage with respectful sensitivity in every interpersonal relationship.

Taking initiative does not, and should not, be associated with leadership in the usual sense. We have never imagined facing such extraordinary circumstances.  It is understandable to doubt ones’ own capabilities.  But there is work to be done.  Needs must be met and conflicts averted. 

As individual citizens we are called to recognize and respond to immediate local needs as they present themselves.  None of us can resolve the great questions and complexities in today’s world.  But necessities will confront us each day with real consequences.

We are not helpless.  Words can be misunderstood and people can be manipulated, but consistent responsible action speaks for itself.  It will never be too soon to initiate dialog and foster collaboration.

I will share a few thoughts here on personal initiative and collaboration.

When forming relationships with neighbors you may find your efforts appreciated by only a few.  Do not be disheartened!  Even a small number of those ready to listen will allow productive endeavors to take root.  A nucleus of thoughtful citizens can consult about local needs, begin to plan, and build trust.

Your initiative will be appreciated by perceptive neighbors.  Indeed, some may project a leadership role on you against your wishes.  This could become problematic.  You will not be happy with the consequences of such assumptions.

With the nation in a devastating downward spiral of dishonesty, delusional behavior, and pervasive fear, true leadership has never been more needed.  But, never has it been perceived with greater suspicion.  Responding effectively to clearly apparent needs will not be possible if we present ourselves as lightning rods.

Responsibility and constructive action are integrally related.  We can invite others to join us in exploring how this works.  Leadership is best shared and understood as grounded in the community itself.

In authentic community, true leadership assists us to overcome fear and hesitation.  It encourages responsibility and fosters trust.  Effective leadership can see the end in the beginning, and understands the road ahead when others only see stumbling blocks. 

Leadership remains calm in the fog of uncertainty, and unperturbed by the anxieties of others.  It patiently gathers frightened or troublesome people to unite in response to practical necessity.

This kind of leadership proceeds with a self-effacing demeanor and a low profile.  It often goes unrecognized, and this is as it should be.

When a genuine leader has been effective, a community will feel they have been assisted to take on challenges and win success for themselves.  And, when a truly great leader has been present, people will say only, we did this ourselves.

Tom.

You may watch for the next post on or about May 1.

Where the Future Begins

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In today’s world we cannot wait for the future to come to us.  Constructive action begins with us, in our own neighborhood, and it begins today.  The small steps that form the basis for safe, dependable communities can begin any time today or tomorrow.  And the small steps are the most important.  If we seek a future we can respect and believe in, our first responsibility is to know our neighbors.  This is the foundation of dependability. 

If we are serious, we will gradually cultivate the relationships that get things done.  Each of us is capable of dignity and civility and a concern for local problem-solving.  We do not need to agree on everything—only about what needs to be accomplished.

Given the prevalent atmosphere of distrust and alienation, this will call for steadfast patience and determination.  Some of your neighbors will welcome your initiative, while others may perceive you with uncertainty or outright suspicion. 

There are many ways to reach through these barriers.  Practical initiative is best served with compassion, generosity of spirit and an open attitude.  But self-discipline must come first.

Where remnants of alienation persist, we must tread respectfully and make our goodwill clear.  If someone asks to be left alone, we can assure them of our respect and readiness to respond in time of need. We can also maintain occasional contact without becoming an irritant.  The simplest gestures can break the ice, even after long periods of time.

What is important is that we sustain dependable relationships with as many of our neighbors as possible.  When crises loom, this can save lives.  We cannot wait for what’s coming.  We must prepare for it.

The character or attitudes of neighbors can become a liability when we least expect it.  We cannot afford exposure to unknown perils, whether they are next door or down the street and around the corner.

While genuine relationships are the goal, we should not to rush into intimacy.  Ask questions, listen well and be compassionate.  Prove your dependability through attentiveness and responsibility—but tread carefully.

Avoid saying what does not need to be said.  Some will press you about personal beliefs.  We can respond deferentially while expressing a concern for good will and dependability. When differences become obvious, it will always be helpful to express a readiness to respond supportively in time of need.

In the beginning, you may find your initiative appreciated by only a few.  But don’t be disheartened!  Only small numbers are needed for discussion, planning and problem-solving.

With the nation in a devastating downward spiral of dishonesty, delusional behavior, and pervasive fear, true leadership has never been more needed.  But, never has it been perceived with greater suspicion. So, tread lightly.  Responding to clearly apparent needs with initiative and effective organizing will not be possible if we present ourselves as lightning rods.

Genuine leadership is exercised subtly and with humility in the world as it is today.  I am not talking about modesty.  This is a practical concern.  Taking initiative does not, and should not, be associated with leadership in the usual sense.

Under such conditions as we face today, each of us is called to respond to needs as they present themselves.  We have never imagined facing such extraordinary circumstances or being challenged in these ways.

It is understandable to doubt ones’ own skills and effectiveness.  But there is work to be done.  Needs must be met and conflicts averted. 

As individual citizens, what does this mean?  The challenge is personal.  None of us can have assurance about resolving the great questions and complexities we now face.  But necessities will confront us each day with real consequences.

We are not helpless.  Words can be misunderstood and manipulated, but action speaks clearly.  It is never be too early to initiate dialog and to foster collaboration.

Tom

You may watch for the next post on or about April 2.

Note to readers: A project description and several sample chapters from the forthcoming book are posted in draft at the top of the homepage

Civilization?

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Human civilization has deep historical roots, and stories that teach us of both its values and its failures.  But, are we in danger of losing it?  Civilization does not wait for other people to “do something”.  It does not depend on government, or on “leaders” who promise to save us.  And, if we allow hotheads to tear civilization down—out of fear or foolishness—it could be centuries before it might be rebuilt.

Surely we know a free and prosperous society can only be sustained when we take responsibility for it.  Civilization depends on each of us to take action in our own communities.

Freedom requires responsibility.  This is a personal choice, and it can only express itself in action.  There can be no safety, no problem-solving, and no accountability without cooperation. 

Everything we need and everything we do depends on some form of cooperation.

We all need to live in a place where our neighbors and fellow citizens cooperate in ways that keep us safe and make things work.

Reclaiming the future will require a willingness to work with our neighbors to meet shared needs and resolve local problems—despite our differing values and views.  This has always been what America is about.

It will take energy and a positive attitude to get us there. 

The way forward is challenging because we need to understand the people around us, and to have the patience and forbearance to bring them along.

Working with other people can be one of the hardest things we ever do.  Our differences come from differing life experiences and personal hardships.  Yet we share many of the same hopes and fears.

What makes cooperation possible?  How different are we, really?  Everyone needs to feel safe, and we all need to believe in the future.

We need to learn how to be good listeners.  We have talked about this here before.  Most of us are used to listening for reacting and arguing.  This is not practical if we want to live in a safe community.

How then should we listen?  If we want to work well with others it is necessary to actually understand them.  There really is no alternative.

Understanding does not require agreement.  No way!  Understanding allows us to know our neighbors and to negotiate effectively.

When we open lines of effective communication, it becomes possible to make decisions involving specific needs.  It opens the door to constructive action.

There will always be some who refuse to cooperate.  We can expect this.  So, why should we try to help neighbors who see no purpose in engaging with us?

Why?  We are living in a society that is coming apart.  The dangers are real.  Institutions are crumbling.  Mental health is breaking down.  Fear and confusion reign.

The effort to make communities safe will encounter many who are distrustful.  Safety requires that we stay connected with them.

However, there will also be thinking people who care about the future.  We need to find them.  We might need to look under a few rocks, but they are nearby—wherever we are. 

And we must take action.  We cannot wait.

We need to know all our neighbors, and to maintain friendly relations to the best of our ability.  In a crumbling social order, we cannot afford to live with alienation next door—not down the street or around the corner.

Humanity is discovered through authentic dialog.  Safety is gained through cooperation.

Nothing will happen if we sit on our hands.

Tom.

Please note: You may watch for the next post on or about March 1. An introduction to the forthcoming book, and several chapters are available at the top of the homepage.

The Ground of Freedom

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We value our freedom despite the constraints and responsibilities that come with it.  We would like to do as we wish without interference.  And the feeling stays with us because, unlike any other creature, we possess free will.

Free will can make us aware of any imaginable possibility. We can choose to be kind or ugly, constructive or destructive, good or evil.  Whatever we choose to do, we could just as well choose not to do.

Without choice there could be no morality.

We make choices every day.  Some are very important to us—activities and relationships, intentions and goals which will influence or constrain future opportunities.

The choice of career, of a love-mate, and the decisions to have a family, to stand by a friend, or to embrace a religious faith—all of these determine (and limit) future choices.  If we are adult people, we find our choices constrained by our sense of responsibility as members of family, community, and society.

If we wish to strengthen relationships or succeed in an endeavor, we will act with “response-ability”.  Because our “ability to respond” will have consequences.

Without responsibility we remain essentially isolated—denied the sense of belonging that defines our place in the world, measures personal integrity and enriches perspective.

It is for this reason that thinking people recognize the interdependence of freedom and responsibility.  Genuine freedom is simply not possible otherwise.

Understanding this allows us to live with purpose.  It informs us of the contours of justice that give structure to human reality.  It provides the context in which freedom can be sought and actualized.

Family, friendships, community, and society—these provide the context in which personal identity becomes conscious.  Together they form the reality in which freedom can be found and exercised. If we are to know who our friends and neighbors really are—their dignity, their hopes and fears, and the experience that influences them—we need to engage in authentic dialog.  We need to know how to listen for the purpose of understanding.

Ethical standards and respectful behavior concern order and relationships.  Both safety and comfort depend on this.  Civilized life is relational and can only be secured by engaging in meaningful dialog.

Making morals and making community are, it has been said, a single dialectical process.  Living in the world calls us to understanding, commitment and responsibility.

Yes, working with people can be the most challenging thing we do.  But, creating a free society—and a safe, friendly neighborhood—can make it very rewarding.

If we wish for constructive lives, we will surely seek the freedom that is our birthright.  And we will recognize the foundations for freedom in the finite limitations of existence.

We are finite beings living in a finite world.  This is the nature of reality and the ground of freedom.  The social order in a civilized society serves a similar purpose.  These are givens.

Without structural limits, which include our own moral values as well as the civil constraints of an orderly society, we would have no capacity to exercise intelligence and direct our energy, to explore new ideas or undertake new ventures.

For the individual, the ability to exercise discipline overcomes the limitations imposed by nature and society. The discipline to leverage our inspiration against the constraints we encounter provides the power to actualize our freedom and transcend material challenges.

We cannot leap without a firm foundation beneath our feet. We cannot fly without wings.

Discipline and limitation are, indeed, the ground of freedom.

Tom.

You may watch for the next post on or about February 1.

Finding the Door

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The need for safety, and the urgency to secure food for our table have become paramount concerns.  Our many problems are not simple.  We find ourselves facing the onslaught of multiple crises and unprecedented complexity.  Never before has humankind encountered such challenges. 

Our lives depend on a complex global economy, a fragile supply chain, and an international monetary system based solely on confidence.  We watch apprehensively as the world’s population explodes exponentially, even as food production dwindles.  And, hidden in plain sight, the interdependent digital systems which manage and coordinate almost everything we need, can be easily disrupted.

Long-time readers will recall my concerns about the capricious unpredictability of complexity.  This is a new threat we have never before encountered. Already confronted with personal hardship and civil disorder, we must also brace ourselves for the threat of complexity—the shockingly unexpected.  

The hand-holds to stability are loosening even as we reach for them.  As the horizon darkens, where can we find the door to stability?  How will we build a future we can accept and believe in?

My argument that dependable neighbors are essential and that safe, functional communities can actually be created, has usually fallen on deaf ears.  Sadly, this is difficult to imagine in today’s America.  Yet it is something we have had before.  America was built on the foundation of coherent local communities, and we can learn how to do this again.

The wholesale destruction of communities by the industrial revolution, and the subsequent domination of a faceless corporate society, has had major consequences.  The loss has blind-sided Americans, and I believe it to be the primary cause of growing distrust.

Throughout history, local communities have been the place where human beings develop our personal identity and where we learn what it means to belong somewhere.  This is where we build relationships and gain confidence in our ourselves as individuals.

Americans are intelligent and quite capable of thinking rationally.  But for many generations we have been enveloped in mass society—a corporate-dominated reality.  And, mass society has its own impersonal interests which are not our own.

Today true community very rarely exists.  We don’t know what this is.  Political community is often the only community we have, and partisan politics are defined by division and conflict.

Most of us barely know our next-door neighbors.

Few of us live in a neighborhood that provides the safety and organized coherence that communities have provided in the past.  While we may not be aware of everything that has been taken from us, we certainly know the uncertainty, insecurity and alienation that the loss of community has caused. 

Hurtful experiences are common in this uprooted reality, especially among young people. The natural consequences of resentments and alienation are often misconstrued as disrespect or disloyalty or worse.  But blame gets us nowhere.

Any of us might behave just as desperately if we were faced with similar insults and injustices over long periods of time. Let’s think before we draw conclusions.  If we are ever to understand people, we need to ask questions, and to listen with the intention of understanding.

Nothing I am saying requires us to alter our personal values or views.  But a civilized future can only be built with civility, respectfulness, and responsibility.

We learn that people are trustworthy and dependable by allowing ourselves to know them as friends and neighbors. The best way to learn what people are made of—and to actually build trust—is to work with them shoulder-to-shoulder, meeting shared needs and resolving local problems.

This is the door to safety.  Each of us is capable of walking through it on our own, without regard for the confusion or misbehavior of others.

Yes, building safe local communities will be challenging.  But we can learn this skill, just as we have many others.  Practical guidance is available, and I intend to assist.

However dark the future seems, each of us possesses a lamp we have the power to light. Even the smallest lamp will dispel the darkness, which has no existence of its own.

Tom

Note to readers:  You may watch for the next post on or about January 1.  A project description and several sample chapters from the forthcoming book are available in draft at the top of the homepage.

Why Trustworthiness?

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Several of the American founders warned us that self-government depends on citizens governing their own behavior.  Among them, Patrick Henry, George Washington and James Madison all emphasized the importance of virtue.  I have observed here that truthfulness is the most important of the virtues because all the others depend upon it.  And trustworthiness is the sister of truthfulness.  Human civilization cannot survive without them.

How can we rebuild a foundation of trustworthiness in America? 

Well, this is after all a personal responsibility.  We cannot control anyone’s behavior but our own.   Like morality, trustworthiness is only possible with free-will.  It is a choice.

Sometimes I wonder how many of us truly understand the necessity for trustworthiness in a world worth living in.

Each of us is in a position to build trustworthiness with our families and in our communities, even if all the rest of the world succumbs to disunity and degradation.  Trust becomes possible through genuine, unpretentious engagement—honest interpersonal relationships. And yet many of us are possessed by the illusion that trusting relationships are impossible with people we disagree with. This is a problem.

Trust grows through the experience of good will, dependability and patient kindness.  It has nothing to do with opinion. We can begin to experience dependability in working relationships.  And when we get to know people through experience, we discover who they really are and put aside our imagination.

Authentic relationships depend on authentic dialogue.  And in the dysfunctional society we live in today true dialogue is rarely tolerated. Conversations between disinterested or self-indulgent individuals are little more than disconnected monologues.

We cannot understand each other when we fail to listen with the intention of understanding.

Americans have always been a contentious lot.  Yet, we enjoy one another while watching professional sports together over beer and pizza. Some of us have experienced the absolute trust required in the military.  Certainly, soldiers do not agree on everything under the sun.  But they do not question the necessity for trust.

The time will come, as society continues to break down, when personal comfort and possibly even survival itself will depend on trustworthy neighbors.

Can we see that the world is coming apart?  There is no longer time for foolishness.  Cooperation is becoming necessary to resolve local problems and meet shared needs. An inability to engage as neighbors and fellow-citizens committed to dependability, will become increasingly dangerous.

In the last post I wrote about the means for decision-making in communities and small groups where substantial differences exist.  A regular reader on the Facebook page commented: “You are right, but given everything that has happened in the past and is happening today, this is a tough elephant pill to swallow.”

I responded to her: “Hi Caroline. Do you think we have a choice? We are facing a major transition. In my view, a small number of determined Americans can form communities among themselves, and new people can be added gradually–if they are ready to adopt a realistic perspective and discipline. I think you know what I mean: Trustworthiness, dependability, a respectful attitude and the acceptance of differences. You need only to find a few to initiate dialog and begin to sow the seeds. This can take place in scattered locations across the country–wherever good will and rationality survive.”

Engaging with the people around us can be challenging.  But we need not convince them of anything politically or philosophically.  We only need to win them over as good neighbors, with kindheartedness and determination.

Tom

You may watch for the next post on or about November 2.

Trust and Dependability in a Dangerous World

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What better to think about on Labor Day weekend than how to best work well together—in our families, our communities, our workplace?  Relationships are a part of human life.  We are social beings.  We need relationships to be constructive, to discover meaning and find satisfaction.  And they can easily be stressed or disrupted by aggravations that come from poor communication, or differing perspectives and unrecognized assumptions.

These are natural challenges.  They can be addressed intelligently, respectfully, if we care enough to do so.  However, relationships become far more complicated and charged with emotion when they involve power and vulnerability.  This is true in businesses and institutions, and certainly in governance.  And nothing can disturb a marriage faster than false assumptions or the unjust use of power.

We cannot understand each other when we fail to listen with the intention of understanding.

In the degraded society we live in today genuine dialogue is rarely tolerated. Conversations between disinterested or self-indulgent individuals are little more than disconnected monologues. Decisions are often made with limited information and isolated perspective.  In the disengaged clamor of raw factionalism, an unheeding polity may even avoid input that bears on their own interests.

Suppose there might be value to be gained from an unfamiliar perspective or lived experience?  What if we examined all available knowledge and diversity of experience—and listened to ideas with inquisitive interest? In the end, what is lost by expanding our personal knowledge and understanding?

Are we afraid to integrate our own creative thinking—constructively, judiciously—with that of others if it produces beneficial outcomes? Why?

I address you here with a practical concept:  How can consultation and decision-making be made productive and comfortable for everyone?

Each of us needs a free and supportive atmosphere to represent ourselves for who we are—to share our point of view, to represent our values, to be treated with dignity.  Above all, we need to be heard and responded to.  Otherwise, our presence has no purpose and no community is possible.  

Most of us have experienced the frustration of participating in typical business meetings.  And we are familiar with the mediocrity of the usual outcomes.  I invite you to consider an entirely new way of thinking and doing—a way of engaging with one another respectfully and constructively. 

Effective decision-making requires the use of the knowledge, experience, and creative thinking of everyone participating.

Listening and understanding is essential.  Some people are shy or fearful or generally reticent.  We need to tease out potentially useful thinking, and this requires patience and inquisitive interest. Similarly, a difficult personality can mask a potentially valuable perspective.  Creative ideas or insights can remain hidden if we fail to seek them out. Curiosity is essential.

Problem-solving solutions can emerge unpredictably in even the most complicated circumstances when we assemble them from the aggregate of all available contributions.  The outcomes thus produced are often new and unexpected. 

Our purpose here is to reach solutions or develop plans which are not only mutually agreeable, but are actually the most effective outcomes possible.

This is not consensus.  Consensus reduces outcomes to the lowest common denominator.  Consultative decision-making does the opposite. By incorporating the knowledge, experience, and creative imagination of every participant, decision-making produces outcomes more fruitful and effective than anyone could have expected.

Respectfulness and full participation are essential. Outcomes must receive buy-in from everyone.  No one can be shut down or sidelined.

In an increasingly degraded and dangerous world, it is in everyone’s interest to build fully engaged and agreeable relationships with our neighbors.  All our neighbors. 

Cooperative engagement and good will that creates safety and security are possible despite significant interpersonal differences—when we activate genuine community with steadfast patience.  There is no need to compromise personal values.

Detailed guidance will be made available in my forthcoming book.

Diversity of perspective and experience are extremely valuable resources.  We would do well to make use of them.

Tom